How can i make my mom proud of me again?

in higschool was my downfall, all my life my moms known me to be straight, but in highschool it all changed and i became gay and started dressing differently, and acting differently and staying out long hours with my girlfriend when i almost didnt graduate highschool i said i was going to turn my life around but when i got to college the whole cycle began again and i wasnt attending classes and stop going because it felt like everyone was looking at me because i dressed like aboy but i didnt know how to stop it became a part of me and eventually i flunked out of college, and knows its the summer time and im back at home mostly laying down watching tv and my moms always yelling at me telling me to do something with myself, i just really let myself go, how do i get my life back in control. my hair is always a mess, and i just dont care about myself anymore, i have few friends, i feel like i cant relate to anyone because of my miind, basically i think more and talk less, so im extrememly quiet, nobody really knows the real me, i dont even know the real me, i feel so depress, i dont even like loking in the mirror anymore, i dont even know who im looking at, what iis going on with me? can anyone help me? have you gone thru something like this?